I was skeptical when Joser-sexual asked me and Ang to meet him up at the movie theater to see Pitch Black. I barely heard of it. Just on the radio about how they can survive if they just keep the lights on. I’m totally thinking, this is gay. But, like I’ve said before, Joser-sexual doesn’t come out much. So, when he’s willing to, you kinda gotta go out too. Plus Mikey was coming and he’s always fun.

The flashing red lights and annoying shaking of the camera will be nauseating. I promise you that. It’s confusing at first to understand that the ship you see is a commercial flight in the future. I didn’t even catch on to that at first. Soon, I did understand. And soon, I was soothed by a deep, baritone voice. Man, to be in love. The voice alone did it for me. The rest soon followed.

You first see him tied up of a sort. He’s wearing Mar’s choice of clothes. A black wife beater and cargo pants. She doesn’t wear that; but she loves to see her men in that. Well, this particular one is not her man. It is MINE! I claimed him. I found him and I called him! As soon as they showed him, in the annoying lighting/shaking scene, I knew it was him. Private Capuzo from Saving Private Ryan. I knew who it was and I was excited. I liked his sights when I saw him in Ryan.

He’s the meannie, the bad boy, the dangerous one. But he’s the hot one, the buff one, the deep-throaty one. Man, oh man. He’s nothing like Kevin, or Ben. But, I think that’s why I love. Because he is so different. It’s almost intriguing that he never shows his eyes. Well, he does on rare occasions, but he mostly wears goggles because he has shined eyes. Long story—gotta check out the movie to understand.

He wears for the entire movie, the black wife beater and black cargo pants. Yum, yum, yum. That is all I can say. And when we went to the cheap movie to see it again, this time with Gina, I was ready and willing to watch him the entire time. And I made little, ah’s and oo’s every time he did something. Then Ang says, “Okay that has really got to stop.” I apologized and stopped. There was some scene where his biceps were amazing and Gina started getting all excited. She had heard me talk about my precious Vin, but still couldn’t remember him from Saving Private Ryan. The man is magnificent.

Okay, so now onto the man, the myth, the legend. Sorry, got a little carried away there. For starters, the name: Vin Diesel. Yes, Diesel. It’s like fuel. Me and Itzah called him Vin Unleaded. And now, on my cell phone, the banner says “Unleaded.”

Age: 32. Yeah, I know. He’s old. Can I help it that this man is so God damned HOT and old?? No. And yes, it’s kinda depressing that he’s even older than Kevin. Can’t help it.

Real name: No one knows. I first heard that his real first name was Vincent and that no one knew his real last name. Just recently Ang found on the IMDB movie site that Vincent is his real last name. And now no one knows his real first name. Well, besides him and his family, etc.

Past Work: Saving Private Ryan. He’s in Boiler Room, which I still have to see. Not just for him, but for my Ben! He also wrote and directed Strays which led Steven Spielberg to write in the part of Private Capuzo into Ryan. He’s working on another movie that he’s writing. It’s about his days as a bouncer at New York Clubs.

Close friends: Total Package and Valentine--other bouncers. Okay, so this is a joke. Vin was on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart for Pitch Black and he was talking about his job as a bouncer. Jon asked if he was in the good name club. “Vin Diesel, this is Valentino. Valentino, this is Vin Diesel.”

Can I just say how cool I think the name Vin is? I was planning on using in “Crash and Burn” the name Devin. Only because I saw the name on my Cosmo calendar and thought it sounded cool. Then one night I was out with Ang and had the revelation. Vin could be Devin’s nickname! And so, Devin/Vin was born. That man is a great inspiration!

Word of Mouth: Nothing could be left unsaid...